Today I have realized just how numb this heart of mine really is
I can no longer tell the difference between self inflicted pain and the pain I inflict onto other that I "Love"
I can no longer tell the difference between a man's hands and a man's heart
How do I filter?
I have managed to mixed those memories I no longer wish to revisit with those that are there to help
Fuck me over once, I will fuck the whole world over by not letting it in, is how I feel!
It's one thing to learn something, but how do I unlearn,
How do I untwist the agony that lives in my throat crying wolf
yelping for pain because it's all that I know
All I know is the weakness in me, and well for the strong part, I am not worthy
I have not suffered enough, Sick??? Yes, how I am? True. Do I want to change? I don;t know!!!!!!!!!
That is what I fear. I fear that I have not learned the boundaries a little girl was robbed of, they are lost in guilt and shame, and only found by pain, and hurt, and tears
I am still waiting for the day that I can tell my story without feeling I am giving birth through my mouth, then and only then will I know I have forgiven myself and my predator. I have been a prey for too long and I have yet to reach out to that little girl and show her who she is now, show here that I will never let anyone hurt her again.
Forgive me for I have not learned the boundaries of this imagination of mine
I follow her everywhere, day and night!
I stalk her like the lover i never had and the woman I though I could never be.
She tell me tales, naming every synonym possible for pain
She talks tears and hear blood
and I show her strength
I give her light and build the bricks of her path
I help her with homework
and teach her about boys, tell her they are not worthy of your throne and no one will ever love you as much as I
No one will every hold your heart as tight as I ....
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
KANYE AND AMBER
THESE TOO ARE SO FUCKING D0PE ALONE BUT TOGETHER A FASHION POWERHOUSE!
I LOVE THEIR STYLE AND TOGETHER THE SHIT IS CRAZY!
I CANT SPEAK ON IT ENOUGH!
Monday, July 20, 2009
I am so Grateful!
So this weekend I was hospitalized!
I had a severe asthma attack and although people have been through it was still one of the scariest events of my life.
It gave me a a newfound apprecitation for the life of mine and those that I love in it. It reminded me not to take things like breathing normally for granted and those who matter and what is really important. Being in the hosital for 16 hours undergoing every test under the sun gave me a lot of time to contemplate on what makes me happy and what I have to to do make a difference in the world, my purpose, why does my life matter? The elephant that I felt was sitting on my chest was the loudest in the room and I listened. It told me value and love. Live each day for what it is and make the most out of everything. There is no time to wasted!
My mission is clear, I am goin to show the world why it needs Siliza Valdez!
I had a severe asthma attack and although people have been through it was still one of the scariest events of my life.
It gave me a a newfound apprecitation for the life of mine and those that I love in it. It reminded me not to take things like breathing normally for granted and those who matter and what is really important. Being in the hosital for 16 hours undergoing every test under the sun gave me a lot of time to contemplate on what makes me happy and what I have to to do make a difference in the world, my purpose, why does my life matter? The elephant that I felt was sitting on my chest was the loudest in the room and I listened. It told me value and love. Live each day for what it is and make the most out of everything. There is no time to wasted!
My mission is clear, I am goin to show the world why it needs Siliza Valdez!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Ready to bring it in the fall
So the summer is going great so far becausa I have been writing something at least everyday and even more exitces to get this group piece goin with my fellow poet Binta. We are thinking about a storytellers theme and I am already jotting down ideas! Fall 09 watch out !!! I am also very excited to see my long lost love Darren next week whobisnjn the airforce and I miss him everyday!
Thank you for those who have been reading my blog and adding me on Facebook, glad to know you enjoy my writings !
Thank you for those who have been reading my blog and adding me on Facebook, glad to know you enjoy my writings !
Monday, June 22, 2009
Writing Session VII. Education
I raised my hand in class
The teacher kept talking, No Child left Behind
What happened to education and not dictation
We are taught to reach for the stars
but the sky is cloudy and that statement
in itself defines a limit
I say reach as far as you dream
and then some
Passion is ambition
and ambition is hope
I hope that our future children can learn to be better than me
The teacher kept talking, No Child left Behind
What happened to education and not dictation
We are taught to reach for the stars
but the sky is cloudy and that statement
in itself defines a limit
I say reach as far as you dream
and then some
Passion is ambition
and ambition is hope
I hope that our future children can learn to be better than me
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Writing Session VI. Ambiguous
Your mask is so ambiguous
I can never tell who you are
and I'm afraid to show you who I am
But I won't turn you into an excuse
as to why I can't open anymore
Just a reason for me being smart
I can never tell who you are
and I'm afraid to show you who I am
But I won't turn you into an excuse
as to why I can't open anymore
Just a reason for me being smart
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