Experience

Today I have realized just how numb this heart of mine really is
I can no longer tell the difference between self inflicted pain and the pain I inflict onto other that I "Love"
I can no longer tell the difference between a man's hands and a man's heart
How do I filter?
I have managed to mixed those memories I no longer wish to revisit with those that are there to help
Fuck me over once, I will fuck the whole world over by not letting it in, is how I feel!
It's one thing to learn something, but how do I unlearn,
How do I untwist the agony that lives in my throat crying wolf
yelping for pain because it's all that I know
All I know is the weakness in me, and well for the strong part, I am not worthy
I have not suffered enough, Sick??? Yes, how I am? True. Do I want to change? I don;t know!!!!!!!!!
That is what I fear. I fear that I have not learned the boundaries a little girl was robbed of, they are lost in guilt and shame, and only found by pain, and hurt, and tears
I am still waiting for the day that I can tell my story without feeling I am giving birth through my mouth, then and only then will I know I have forgiven myself and my predator. I have been a prey for too long and I have yet to reach out to that little girl and show her who she is now, show here that I will never let anyone hurt her again.



Forgive me for I have not learned the boundaries of this imagination of mine
I follow her everywhere, day and night!
I stalk her like the lover i never had and the woman I though I could never be.
She tell me tales, naming every synonym possible for pain
She talks tears and hear blood
and I show her strength
I give her light and build the bricks of her path
I help her with homework
and teach her about boys, tell her they are not worthy of your throne and no one will ever love you as much as I
No one will every hold your heart as tight as I ....

KANYE AND AMBER

THESE TOO ARE SO FUCKING D0PE ALONE BUT TOGETHER A FASHION POWERHOUSE!
I LOVE THEIR STYLE AND TOGETHER THE SHIT IS CRAZY!
I CANT SPEAK ON IT ENOUGH!

I am so Grateful!

So this weekend I was hospitalized!
I had a severe asthma attack and although people have been through it was still one of the scariest events of my life.

It gave me a a newfound apprecitation for the life of mine and those that I love in it. It reminded me not to take things like breathing normally for granted and those who matter and what is really important. Being in the hosital for 16 hours undergoing every test under the sun gave me a lot of time to contemplate on what makes me happy and what I have to to do make a difference in the world, my purpose, why does my life matter? The elephant that I felt was sitting on my chest was the loudest in the room and I listened. It told me value and love. Live each day for what it is and make the most out of everything. There is no time to wasted!
My mission is clear, I am goin to show the world why it needs Siliza Valdez!

The Clipse ft. Kanye West

Song and Video is D0pe.
Def Jammin' to it this Summer!